In this class we discuss ways to create healthy boundaries.

Key Takeaways and Next Steps:

Healthy Boundaries Improve Life By:

Promoting a healthy self-concept and self-respect
Promoting healthy relationships
The key point to creating boundaries is to use self-awareness, know your needs, and be assertive
It takes practice

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What are healthy boundaries?

Boundaries are really about bringing integrity into our relationships.
They set limits on what is acceptable or unacceptable behaviour.
Those limits can include: emotions, our time, space, relationships.
They protect our well-being.

How boundaries make our lives better

Encourage healthy relationships.
Help us to have a healthy self-concept.
Help us hold to our values in our day-to-day lives.
Help us to make better decisions – we say no to that which doesn’t align with us and yes to the things we can honestly commit to.
Helps us to respect other people’s boundaries.
Helps us be clear on what we have control/responsibility for and what we don’t.

What Gets in the Way of Setting Boundaries?

Want to be liked.
Don’t want to hurt anyone.
Have a tendency to “People Please”
Find it hard to say “No” or don’t know how to.

Signs that We Need to Set Boundaries

You put up with unacceptable behaviour or feel taken for granted. • You get too involved with other people’s problems.
You feel obliged to say “Yes” and feel regret afterwards.
You know you’re not being true to yourself.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

1. THINK ABOUT YOUR NEEDS

Boundaries are about Self-Care – And Building Self-Awareness. Acknowledge that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s.

2. GET CLEAR on what you can say “Yes” to and what you can commit to.

3. CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF

If you feel uncomfortable, resentful, uneasy – these are signs that something isn’t sitting well with you. Take some time to determine what it might be and make a decision/take action where you need to.

4. BE ASSERTIVE:

Which means to respect your rights and the rights of the other. You can make a respectful request of someone e.g., “I want to talk about Mom. I feel like I’ve been taking a lot of responsibility for her care. I appreciate that you are also busy. Could we talk about additional options for Mom’s care? This way both our schedules/needs are taken into account?

5. DON’T BE TOO LOOSE OR TOO RIGID.

Too Loose – our needs are often not met. People can take advantage. Too Rigid – we miss out on building relationships.

6. IT TAKES PRACTICE

RECOGNIZE THERE CAN BE CONSEQUENCES:

Some people won’t like that you’ve set a boundary. They want things to continue as normal.

MAINTAIN YOUR BOUNDARIES:

Especially when setting new boundaries. Be clear on when or why you might change a boundary, so it doesn’t send a confusing message.

Books for Creating Healthy Boundaries

Boundary Boss by Terri Cole
Where to Draw the Line by Anne Katherine
Boundaries – Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine
Better Boundaries – Owning and Treasuring Your Life by Jan Black and Greg Enns
Anger Boundaries and Safety by Joann S. Peterson