In this class we discuss ways to change your thinking to lessen worry and fear.

Key Takeaways and Next Steps:

Download additional detail notes attached below

Thank you so much for attending the class. Just a few words about managing worry and fear and the using the techniques.

As I mentioned, it’s so normal to experience these emotions. The invitation to yourself is to learn to better manage them, so they don’t overtake you. It takes time to build skills in this domain – especially when it’s new. If you try a technique and it doesn’t provide relief, please don’t give up. It takes practice and part of developing your skills means you’ll have bumps in the road. This is so normal. It doesn’t mean you’re failing or things aren’t working. This is part of the progress.

My encouragement to you, is to just observe the bump(s) and keep stepping. Over time, you will get better. It really does take practice. Make a commitment to stay the course, see the bumps as normal, and know that in time, you’ll get there. I recommend trying the technique for 1-2 week and monitor your progress.

As always, if you feel you need/want professional help, reach out to your doctor or counseling service.

If you attended Change Your Thinking – Manage Negative Thinking and The Inner Critic, you’ll remember that we learned two techniques for dealing with these.

Hand on Heart
The Re-frame

Along with the above two, you can use the techniques below.

Managing Worry/Fear

To follow is a link to the kindness/curiosity exercise we did in class (mine was an adapted version). This link goes deeper than we did in the class:

https://www.tarabrach.com/wp-content/uploads/pdf/RAIN-of-Self-Compassion2.pdf

In line with the above exercise, here are some examples of kind thoughts:

First ask: Are my thoughts helpful to me? Are they taking me in a useful direction? How would I or my situation be different without these thoughts?

(Put Your Name Here) I appreciate that you’re finding it difficult. Please know this is normal and this moment will pass.

(Your Name Here), I know you can move pass this thought.

(Your Name Here), you have made it through difficult situations before and you can do it again.

(Your Name Here), you are more than your thoughts.

We have a choice in our thinking. We might not be able to change our circumstances, but we can choose our thinking.

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After doing the above exercise, you might feel ready to work through a worry/fear. If you feel ready, the following exercise is a practical tool you can apply.

Think about the things that cause you the most worry/fear at this time. The things that constantly come up. It could be family, a particular relationship, work, health, finances etc. List these. Now, take a look at your list and choose the top 3 that take up most of your “worry” time. Prioritize the top 3 (number 1 being most concerning, then 2 and so on). Take No.1 (which is your most concerning) and work through it by following the next steps.

Here’s an example for the above step. Imagine that the list of worries/fears are:

a)Work

b)Health

c)Primary Relationship d)Finances

From the list above, the top 3 causing the most worry is Health, Work, Primary Relationship. Now to prioritize these 3. In priority of the most worrying it’s 1. Primary Relationship 2. Health 3. Work. Now that we know which worry/fear is most pressing, No. 1. Primary Relationship, we’ll work through it. 2&3 can be addressed later.

Having established that the Primary Relationship is the No.1

worry/fear to address, the first step is to write down the key concerns about this particular worry. Next, beside each key concern, ask yourself what steps/options/solutions could be taken to resolve or address the issue. (No matter how limited the options might be, write them down). Also, note where you might not be able to resolve or change something. See the example below.

No.1 worry/fear - Primary Relationship. The top concerns around the Primary Relationship are:

Top Concerns

I worried that I over-reacted and said some hurtful things.

I’m worried my partner might want a break from me.

I’m worried we might not know the best way to work through this.

Steps/Solutions/Options/What Can’t Be Changed.

I can’t change what I’ve said, but I can apologize and convey my regret.

I could openly discuss this and hear how my partner feels.

I could ask my partner if counselling might be a good option.

We’ve been arguing a lot. Just not connecting.

I could ask my partner if we could take some time to talk and try to get at the root of what’s happening.

When it comes to worry and fear, we often ruminate, without actually getting to the root of our concerns. It’s not always easy to face these, but when we do, it allows us to see what’s there and what options are available to us (even if they might be limited). Also, instead of putting energy into an endless worry/fear loop, we are making a powerful choice to deal with the worry, take some control of the situation and put effort into what we value. Now, when the worry/fear comes up, we can remind ourselves that we’ve attended to it and addressed it. We can let go.

Create a Vision Board

Ground your successes by creating something like a Vision Board. On the board, put pictures, words etc., of techniques you’ve used that have made a difference and even the dates/events where you managed worry/fear and got through the situation. Having something visual, can serve as a strong reminder that you are capable of managing your thinking. Every time you see the board, it acts as a helpful reminder.

Here are a few extras Re-direct Yourself

The Power of Changing Your Context

If it’s possible, step outside into some green space. If you have green trees nearby, stand beneath them and stare at the green. Go for a walk if you can.

Listen to music that you really enjoy.

The purpose in changing context is that it helps to shift our thinking. It can take the edge off, assists with calming us, and puts us in a better place for applying one of the techniques.

Note your past efforts/successes

Acknowledge the times that you were able to slow down or shift your thinking. No matter how small. Notice what you did. Take that in. These are vital steps. They help you with developing a strong practice and continuing in this.

Some of these strategies have been adapted from the books listed in the Resources.

Imagine yourself extending your hand to yourself and re-directing/leading you to kinder, more compassionate thoughts. Imagine yourself saying “Come over this way, it’s far safer, kinder, gentler.” You already know where the worry/fear will take you. Head in a better direction.

Bernadette's Other Classes: https://www.getsetup.io/guides/bernadette-barton